I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
