you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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