i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
