What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
