Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
