may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
