My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
