it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
