So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
