He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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