Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize