New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
