I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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