When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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