first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
