Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
