He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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