I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
