My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
