I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I checked into jail on foursquare
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The air taste purple.
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