no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
