i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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