They should really pass out barf bags in church
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
