I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
