Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
