JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize