i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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