he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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