I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
