I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
