I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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