When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
