It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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