I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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