yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
