I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
