And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
