: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The best revenge is premature balding
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
