if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
