Your face is a jimmy john
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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