I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he thought i was a dude.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
