I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
