It's Friday. Sex?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
