It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
