she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just gift wrapped bread.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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