she was so not down for the gang bang
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
