my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
