We won't sleep together?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
