rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
