He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
