i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
