Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
