is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
