i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wish my penis had a tongue
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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