i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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