If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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