my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
