At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
