The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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