PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
