ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
