Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
