I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Help. Why am I so naked?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize