Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
