i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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