mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
