We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
