Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
only you would photoshop your dick
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
