just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
