I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
