i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
