I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
