So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
