An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
