So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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