the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Send help, water and tortillas.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
