my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my shit smells like andre
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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