More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
