Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
