Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You smell like stripper and shame
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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